Not tonight

I'm not going to write a poem about you tonight
I'm not going to analyze all you did wrong or right

I'm not going to replay your getaway over and over in my mind
I'm not going to accuse myself of being naive or blind

I'm not going to stain this page with recycled tears
I'm not going to fill this page with metaphors I've abused for years

I'm not going to think about you after this line...

I'm going to be me now - the world is mine

The only one

Strands of her hair fall on her face
He doesn't notice or put them in place
Whereas she dusts off imaginary dirt
Just so she can place a hand upon his shirt

He doesn't hear it when she screams out his name
Creating silences for his personal gain
She melts at the sound of his faltering voice
But to hear it never seems to come by choice

When he wants attention she'll be the first to know
But when he's had enough, she's always the first to go
It's never enough to simply be loved by one
There's always something making him come undone

She keeps filling her time with temporary gestures
And he fills his with temporary pleasures
Maybe she's blind or maybe she's just dumb
But to her, he's still the only one

Eat Pray Love

I have a lot of favorite books, most of which were written long ago. Every once in a while a new book will cross my path and spark my interest, but none have held my attention quite like Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love. I first read this book about a year ago, but I still think about it often. My copy is marked and tagged, worn and read. I just feel compelled to write out and share my favorite part of this book. I don't think I really need to explain the plot or characters for anyone to fully understand or appreciate the passion behind these words. Just know that the author is heartbroken and she's receiving advice from a wise friend.

"...but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

(Richard's response): "He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life..."

"But I love him."

"So love him."

"But I miss him."

"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand: If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in - God will rush in - and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."

_________________________________________________________________

For the right person reading this (and I was the right person), those words can come at you like a semi. It can hit you hard, send you reeling and maybe even denying your own feelings. But sometimes you just need to be reminded that you are worth more than what you give yourself credit for. As for me, I'm always searching for the next big thing - which I am always hoping is my soul mate. I fall fast, I fall hard and then I blame myself if it doesn't work out. It's time to be grateful for the people who come and go...let them breathe new life and accept it. Don't spit it out when they are gone.

Anyone on a spiritual journey of any kind should read this book. Don't watch the movie and expect to receive the same message. You need to fold yourself into the words - separate them into piles of the ones that affect you the most. Read them again and again. Share them even. Let the words hurt you a little - it might break you down but it's in those moments that you can truly find out what is important to you.

Hmmm...

Would it be weird to re-start my blog challenge on Day 7....even though I posted Day 6 last September? Better late than never...right??

Off to search for some new blog topics....

Day 6: Brush with Fame

I don't have any amazing stories of meeting anyone incredibly famous, but there have been a few awesome people I have met along the way, that for me, were just as fun to meet as anyone else.

I've seen Al Roker and Katie Couric from a short distance when I went to a taping of the Today Show in 2001. I've also come close to Troy Aikman and got the autograph of another Cowboy's player when we went to training camp back in 1995...but those don't exactly count. However, it's still cool to say I have been in the same room as them.

The night before my 19th birthday, I went to a Sister Hazel concert with my friend Andi. While we were waiting for them to hit the stage, the guy who had played the first set came up to us and started asking us about the concert. It was Gavin DeGraw!! He had just released his first CD and was trying to get his name out there. He must have hung out with us for at least 30 or more minutes. He was so nice and autographed a few things (which my dog later chewed up!) and even took pictures. I came home that night and downloaded all of his stuff and he instantly had a fan! You just never know who will be making it big so sometimes it's more fun to meet up with the openers...mainly because they are usually easier to get to. Like I said, it's not like I met the biggest star ever, but that meeting is something I will never forget. A few years later I saw him again and it was impossible to get to him...but I already had my memory...so I just stole his set list and a guitar pick. :)

Also, last year I went to Zieg Fest with my brother and sister-in-law Paige. Our main goal for that day was to listen to Bob Schneider. So we got there early and sat as close to the stage as possible. There were not a whole lot of people there because Corpus people do not always appreciate bad-ass musicians. Anyways, we got to watch him get ready off to the side and then have the best seat in the house for his show. Afterwards I made sure I got a chance to shake his hand and get a quick autograph. Mission accomplished...such a cool guy.

Day 5

Day 5 blog challenge: If you could live in any past decade, which would you choose?

I would, without a doubt, choose the Jazz Age...the Roaring 1920's. I would be a gutsy gal who ignored prohibition and did things like get a job and cut my hair short (gasp!)

The 1920's saw an economic upswing after World War I and people came alive! I can only imagine what the big cities were like with Jazz Clubs on every corner filled with flappers with their long cigarettes dancing with men in fedoras and rolled trousers. Like Roxie Hart in Chicago!

The 1920's gave birth to a group of writers known as the Lost Generation which included F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Cole Porter and many others. Of course, all of these famous writers were holed up in Europe...but I'd love to hear their stories and watch them live. It's no coincedence that my favorite book is The Great Gatsby..Daisy and her big hats and aristocratic life. And Jay Gatsby! Swoon...

I would definitely like to take a stab at several other generations, but I have always been attracted to the boldness of the 1920's. It's amazing how much a country can change decade by decade...from fashion to politics, music to technology.

Not too long from now we will be experiencing a new decade of 20's. The 2020's. I'll be in my mid-thirties by then...wonder if the flapper look will reemerge.

:)

Day 4: A favorite photo of myself

Today's challenge is to blog about a favorite picture of yourself from when you were a child. Well...I have two that I cannot decide between.

Picture #1:

This picture was taken outside of my grandparent's house when I was probably about three years old. This pretty much sums up my time spent with my grandma Linda when I was little. She always had a camera with her and loved to take pictures of us all. We would go into her closet and pick all sorts of things for me to model. I was pretty much a ham so I didn't have a problem with it at all. Even though I was very little here, I have vivid memories of doing this with her quite a bit. And let's face it...I'm pretty darn cute.

Picture #2:

This picture was probably taken around the same time as the one above, but this gives you a better idea of what I actually looked like....scraggly hair, busted chin and a devilish grin. I was almost four here and this is all the hair my little body could produce. What a mess. And I'm pretty sure that's a boy's shirt, but my mom would beg to differ. I hear I was quite the stinker when I was this age...and all ages after. I was sarcastic before I knew what it meant. I was voted "Mother Hen" at Kindergarten graduation...just a nice way of calling me bossy. Aren't you glad I've grown out of that? Aren't you?! Answer me...tell me I'm not bossy!!!

:)