Sadly Mistaken

Sadly mistaken is the story of my life
There is no sophistication in the seams of strife
Handing my trust to anyone who would take it
But finding more often they toss and they break it
I'll cry out and won't always know why
I'm just that vulnerable rain cloud in the sky
I'm easily provoked by simple pleasures
And I easily succumb to complicated pressures
There is cause for a riot in my tired, young mind
But there are feelings I won't promote and words I cannot find
I was sadly mistaken when I thought I could trust all
But now I know that even the best ones fall...

Another broken song...

I sat down to write a song about us.
Then from my headphones I realized it had already been written.
A verse from one favorite song to the next and there it was.
How could I begin to write out my feelings now?
I felt defeated by my ability to find the perfect song.
Always paired with the perfect melodies that calm me better than drugs.
So is it better now to create a "mixed tape" for you...
Or better to pay homage to those songs and still write my own?
You may hear a favorite song of mine and scoff at it's simplicity.
Or you may make one of my least favorite songs mean something so much more.
Then again, if I were able to write a new one, who's to say I would show it to you.
Always creating little wonders and never releasing them.
I'm not even so sure you know I like to write...or try to write as I might.
Maybe I should just mark down what you say.
Scribble down all the things that make my heart melt and go from there.
You probably wouldn't even notice the familiarity if you read them aloud.
Always the humble one...as cocky as you are.
Regardless of what is written here tonight, I will never amount to what I desire.
In words that is.
Always reaching far and falling short.
Faking it until I make it perhaps.
You'll read this one day and say it's "cute."
I'll feel defeated again and you'll think all is well.
If it was paper I would crumble it up.
Hit the delete key?....maybe.
I will always be a rambler.

Day tripper

Once a month I would give anything to be able to get on a plane and fly away. Visit friends in distant states or friends in cities I just can't quite make the drive to. I think it may settle the storm in the pit of my stomach I often feel when I've been away from the people who mean the most to me.

It seems simple enough, but the "important" commitments in life pull me elsewhere and drain my bank account and fill up my calendars with mundane tasks that seem fun at the time but are never quite enough. I'm satisfied for the moment, but am always reaching for the next big adventure.

I never feel I have enough time in a year to go the places I want...need to be. I always picture myself living in the cities I visit, and more often than not I can see myself there, but quickly get a guilty feeling. It's not that I want to leave this place permanently, I just want to stay somewhere else for a little longer.

But then again, that might just make me crave to leave home a little more often. For now, I think my desire is just to travel more. Keep breaking connections alive. Be the one who goes the extra mile...literally.

I'm going to Dallas in May...not a big deal, but the fact is, quite a few people I care about are up there and this is my chance to make sure the distance doesn't break any memories or hinder us from making new ones.

Then where do I go? I come back.
Then what do I do? Plan the next trip. Vegas? Chicago?

Hope for the best and fly.

I was so dramatic when I was 19....

Intricate distractions flow through a mesmerized soul
As romantic rhythms beat on a rapidly breaking heart

Melodies of sweet release tempt the tired spirit within
A novel of notes depict dark secrets on a simple page of black and white

Timed measures express pure bliss and complete fear
A moderately slow piece of life with prestissimo interchanges
Has a downbeat of syncopation, something that makes no sense to the practiced artist

A wall closes around the prodigy inside of us, as trembling hands take hold of the instrument of life
When the music is in perfect pitch, the heart rests, but those intricate distractions bombard us
And weaken the inner harmony. Eventually the music fades and the sounds of others cradle our every
move until we conduct another moment of synchronized melodies to entertain our weary souls

I swear I'm still alive

Well, it's looks as though I have been wordless for about a month now. Of course, we all know I can talk a blue streak, but I guess I just haven't had the motivation to write it out lately.
Things have been fairly calm as I prepare to move to my one bedroom next month. I'm looking forward to a fresh start, no matter how small it may be. It's just always nice to reorganize and start on your own. That's how I see it at least.
I'm one of those weird people who finds joy in organizing closets and pantries. I can't wait to buy shelves to display my electic book collection and photos of my friends and family. Plus, I enjoy shopping for all of the little things I need.
Anyone know of a recliner that needs a good home? Or a small dining set for that matter? It's fun looking even online for these things. Of course, I always seem to end up at Pottery Barn or Crate & Barrell where my money never seems to stretch far enough. Oh the things I would do with a gift certificate to those places!
Anyways, this was just to prove that I'm still kicking. :)

Calming down

We plan so long and work so hard for the big events in our lives and then we watch how quickly they pass. Without the calming hand from a friend or wise words to "breathe" we could easily blink and miss everything.
I've been anticipating the wedding of my best friend for several months and today has become the "day after." I waved the couple off to their honey moon, entertained their remaining guests and put away my maid of honor dress. For them, it is the start of the rest of their lives and to me, it is a day to settle down and recover from the adrenaline rush.
The wedding was truly flawless and absolutely beautiful and I have finally found the time to sit in quiet to enjoy it. I had an amazing time and met some wonderful people that I hope to see again in the near future. Thank God for photographs so that I can immerse myself in the memories of it over and over.
Tomorrow will be hard to get my mind to focus and realize that the event has passed. But I am sure that other projects will take over and I will soon find myself immersed in other various emotions. But if I can just enjoy the moment, then all will be well.

Monday Morning Call

The call came early and I quickly knew
That something dark was burdening you
Your shallow voice was faltering
A hidden truth you were altering
Apologizing for lost memories
Vocalizing your personal reveries
A twinge of regret in your tired voice
As you second guessed your final choice
I can’t help but remember our year
Full of grace and devoid of fear
But the sharp pain comes from goodbye
And yours was sudden you cannot deny
This morning call was without direction
Perhaps you were seeking my affection
I cannot refute that it had my mind racing
But I’m done with all of this backwards chasing
We could go on forever with this flirtatious game
But the ending will inevitably be the same
Young souls confused and tender hearts broken
From actions taken and words unspoken
Whether or not I was wrong to answer the phone
Is not the issue as I ponder regrets of my own
The one thing that is clear from this call
Is that you really did love me after all…